Beautiful events. Who doesn’t love a party? Not everyone! But sure, most of us probably do. Not the preparation part! For some, maybe not as the celebrant because of all the attention? Wondering if we love being a guest, better yet, honoured guests!
Weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, e.t.c, are a big deal on this side of the world. We love a good reason to have a party, and why not? Milestones are no small feats. Nice hall, lovely decor, beautiful cake, High table, several options for food served 3 times, e.t.c. But when does a party become too much?
I had reason to be part of planning a wedding recently. It got me thinking about the cost a lot of people incur on weddings and other parties. Now, I am no saint and have made my share of mistakes in the past, but can I just put a spin on this for a minute?
So what amount is ideal to spend on, say a wedding? Can we use weddings as case study here, as it may appear it takes a lion share in the type of parties we have these days. A quick survey showed there is certainly no fixed amount to be spent on a wedding. For different people, in different class and with different taste, the amount varies. Stop right there. The amount varies? It can vary? Don’t we all need a white dress, 2nd dress, traditional outfit, flower girl, specially made aso-ebi, 5-tier cake, nice hall, decoration, MC, DJ, etc? Yes we do….not really…..some of them….some of the time? Are you pausing to reflect on this?
When we ask ourselves some questions, and ask others, we realize that we all place different values to different aspects of a wedding or any party. We assign importance to things but other people do not necessarily assign similar importance to the same things. Is that not an eye opener? And that is as it should be, because we all are, very different people. Meaning, you could be making a lot of effort in one area, say the souvenir gifts but people are focused on something else.
Question now is, can you please everyone?
Next question, should you please everyone?
Final question, why do you think you feel the need to please everyone or most people?
But what then makes one thing so important it becomes what I call, ‘a must have’, that is, a non-negotiable element in the preparation? How do you decide what feels like an obligation and what is just an interesting ‘add-on’, that is, something you can do without if funds/time are not available?? It is interesting to see that, if preparing a Wedding checklist, we might first find that all the items are crammed into ‘Must have’, and very few things are left to fit into the other two[2].
Why does this happen? I wonder if it has anything to do with the pressure to ‘be a certain way’, that is, project a certain image, a certain social class or ‘level’? It is interesting to note that peer pressure just might exist even as we grow into adulthood. Many of us might find that we are taking up a lot of costs to ‘please’ others. For some, this is ok. As social beings, we have a need for validation among our peers right….? VALIDATION. Pause.
It is hoped that, the last paragraph got us thinking, to ask ourselves the question, who are you pleasing when you spend that money? Are you really making yourself happy or making others happy so you can ‘feel good’? There are several pictures and videos of beautiful parties online, and that’s great. We can get inspired from this and ‘pick and mix’ for our own events. And if they can ‘afford’ it, that’s great. We often times do not really know what they can afford, we only assume that they ‘ought to be able to afford it’ from what we think they earn or can afford. That is another topic! Please no judgment here for those who have spent that amount and who spend that amount, or are spending that right now. Let us only speak for ourselves, as the author of our lives.
So when you are planning a party, what ever the type, let us check ourselves and be sure, for who we are spending that money on and why. On this note, please be sure to invite me to the next ‘owambe’ you are having o! I promise to eat only once! Lol!
I remain,
Tolu Dima-Okojie, your persona Finance Guide.
The Money Map to Freedom Series
Email: toludo.finance@gmail.com
Instagram: tolu_do